so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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