I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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