I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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