Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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