My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
