Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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