So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
