He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
