I think scott just propositioned me for sex
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
