Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
