She is in my trunk
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
