I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
