I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
