my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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