I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
