just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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