you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
