if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize