JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
