Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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