I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize