literally had 100 drinks last night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
