I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
