My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
