So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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