I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
