Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i came on her dog
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
