Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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