HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We left the knife in your bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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