You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
