remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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