You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im on a boat
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