i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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