i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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