He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
