Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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