You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
