Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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