this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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