im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
