dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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