im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
