my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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