I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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