I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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