operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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