I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
