guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
