I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
