In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
