I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
