Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
