so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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