when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
