you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
