i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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