What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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