He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
