i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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