am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
