I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dating After Heartbreak
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.