My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji