This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day